woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
