the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
