I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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