And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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