Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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