Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
