I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
