i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
