Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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