i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
