I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
