Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
