Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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