and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
