like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
