So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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