Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
