Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
