worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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