Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
