we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He has the fingertips of a God
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
