I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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