No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
