it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize