Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
