Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize