We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We are all done wearing pants today
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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