he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
