think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
