also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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