Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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