girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
