Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
