We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize