Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
