I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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