Can i not drive my cunt home
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
