Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
