In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
