Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
