Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
