She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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