I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize