I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
3 2 1 whiskey
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
