I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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