Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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