But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
