community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
