is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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