hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I AM VODKA MAN
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
