He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
