let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
