so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
