so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
