Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
