I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone came in the potted fern
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
