At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
