Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
