There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
