Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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