i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize