i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
