im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
