I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
