I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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