my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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