i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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