i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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