hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
