C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
