He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
