and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
