the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
