i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
